Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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