Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
