so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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