I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
