no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
