You really coming over, don't trick.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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