What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
