I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize