i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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