What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
