I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
