The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
