Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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