And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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