two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
