tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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