i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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