Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
