My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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