All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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