can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
