You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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