i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Randomize
