Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
