this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
