My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
