Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
