i was born a porn star she said
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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