drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
