i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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