Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
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