Only a mothe r could love this liver
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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