K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
