Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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