i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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