last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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