tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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