the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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