Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
