i was born a porn star she said
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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