My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
