Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
