What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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