don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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