sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
