I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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