i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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