I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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