Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize