Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
