Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
