I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
God, I missed his penis.
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