I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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