Pappa wants mamma naked
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
