i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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