we have officially lost it.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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