My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
