yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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