So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
