Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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