I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
