OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
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