How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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