Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
