Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
