shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
