how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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