Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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