stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
