Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize