Too much gin, very little bucket
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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