I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
