so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
