That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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