She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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