physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Randomize
