how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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