we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
