So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Randomize
