Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
